Comic Dork Monday: Asbestos Man

The Human Torch. A high-powered superhero who is capable of generating enough heat to wipe out a major metropolitan city, once met his match in a man in a suit made of the infamous naturally occurring substance the Greeks named “Asbestos.”

Actually, long before Johnny Storm met his match at the gloved hands of this 1960’s “mort,” the World War 2 Human Torch and his buddy Toro tangled with the first Asbestos-based villain, The Asbestos Lady. This angry red-head was pissed because her criminal brother who had been captured by the Torch got hanged. Yes kiddies, 70 years ago they put your head in a noose and dropped you off a plank for being naughty. Now you just get rehab.

But for true modern Asbestos villainy, you just cannot beat the modern Torch’s 1960’s nemesis, The Asbestos Man. Looking a lot less sexy in an asbestos suit than Asbestos Lady, AM took his fireproof suit, shield, and asbestos netting and beat the Torch hands down. Just once, though. See, Torchy was still in his early stages of herodom, and the Fantastic Four had yet to have tons of world-spanning adventures where they truly came into their own in respect to high level superpowers. Eventually, Torch figured out that all he needed to do was use his flames to take the oxygen out of the air around Asbesty, and you had one huffing and puffing scientist bad guy. That’s it for you, Asbest-hole. Probably in more ways than one.

You see, asbestos has been around for thousands of years. The Greeks had it, and figured out for themselves that the stuff was dangerous, as witnessed by countless slaves working in construction coming down with severe lung problems. Marco Polo marveled at the stuff, witnessing Persians cleaning carpets of asbestos by throwing them onto fires.

The people in charge, in ancient days and in America, were long aware of the dangers of this substance. But it wasn’t until around 1970 that the public was made aware of what the government was for the most part covering up. This shit can jack you up in ways Joe Camel could only dream of.

After their earliest appearance, both Asbestos Man and Asbestos Lady were never heard from again, and their fates are unknown. But we know, don’t we? These poor, low level villain numbnuts sealed their fates by doing what many a dead villain has; dabbling in things they didn’t really understand.