Season of the Witch

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Every October various cable channels march out old movie horror chestnuts for weeks leading up to Halloween. Some great, some good, and some crap. Last night I was watching a particular piece of crap that I seem to watch at least some of every year – Halloween 3: Season of the Witch. The thing is, some of the worst horror movie nonsense can be fascinating, and so it is with this sans Michael Myers addition to the Halloween movie franchise.

This 1982 film was an attempt to take the series away from Mike Myers and his Shatner mask, and create yearly anthologies of films about Halloween. Of course, John Carpenter would bring Myers back for the next movie, but for this one we would be exposed to Celtic mysticism, skull-crushing androids, head-melting masks, and dingy California Coast motels full of sleazy old- man-on-hot-young-chick sex.

It seems that there are strange doings at the Silver Shamrock novelty factory in Santa Mira California (a fictional town created in the original Invasion of the Body Snatchers, which this film is in part an homage to), a town founded by Irish immigrants who apparently schlepped a large chunk of Stonehenge to America from the Islands. A local doctor (played by mustachioed John Carpenter workhorse Tom Atkins) and the brash and sexy daughter of a murdered man (played by the very 80’s looking Stacey Nelkin, who sort of looks like a cross between Elizabeth Berkley from Showgirls and the chick from Flashdance – you can see her in the pic above having a look at her own beautiful ass) investigate the evil presence in between bouts of nauseating old/young sex at the local flea trap.

One of their nemesis in the film are the super-strong androids in business suits (predating the agents of The Matrix by decades) who always seem to be around and ready to squash a dude’s melon in their gloved hands. When some of them are busted up there for sure seems to be robot-type parts in them, but the head bad guy, a wanna be modern Samhain loving Druid played by Dan O'Herlihy, mentions at one point that one of the suit dudes was created in 17th century Germany. Huh. This would lead me to believe that they are more like Homunculus than android, but what the heck to I know. Just another head scratching mystery in this film.

O’Herlihy plans to celebrate Halloween in a unique fashion. His popular masks have a computer chip fitted with a chunk of Stonehenge, and when a special (and annoying) musical commercial is played, the mask-wearers head turns to goo, and snakes, roaches, and other vermin come pouring out to attack any others who might be around. What the hell that has to do with druids, Samhain, Stonehenge, or anything else is entirely left up in the air. You want answers mister? Tough titties (Stacey Nelkin’s titties, which you get a decent look at in unedited versions of the film).

It is a weirdo premise, and it is exactly that premise that keeps me coming back year after year. This cheaply made film with an unattractive cast (except for Nelkin, who despite having a creepy look in her eyes is quite fetching. But once you see Atkin’s hairy mitts all over her in bed, you can never look at her the same) is just gonzo with all its bizarre mysteries. The idea comes from the original writer of the film, who actually has a pretty good pedigree. It’s Nigel Kneale, creator of Britain’s first science fiction scientist hero Doctor Quartermass (although his script here was dislike by Dino De Laurentiis, who didn’t think it was gory enough, so there were some rewrites and eventually Nigel had his name removed from the film).

The following is according to Wikipedia:

Historian Nicholas Rogers notes that Halloween III is "the only film in the [Halloween] cycle that explores the sacrificial aspects of Halloween in a sustained manner."[12] Film critics like Jim Harper, however, called Wallace's plot "deeply flawed." Harper argues, "Any plot dependent on stealing a chunk of Stonehenge and shipping it secretly across the Atlantic is going to be shaky from the start." He noted, "there are four time zones across the United States, so the western seaboard has four hours to get the fatal curse-inducing advertisement off the air. Not a great plan."[4] Harper was not the only critic unimpressed by the plot. Roger Ebert of the Chicago Sun-Times wrote, "What's [Cochran's] plan? Kill the kids and replace them with robots? Why?"

Why indeed Roger, why indeed.