Balders Gate 3 and the banging of the Bears

 If you are even just a mild video game player who pays at least a little attention to the media surrounding Balders Gate 3 and its sexual content, you will know that at least to some extant there is, well, sexual content. 

Like me maybe a couple months or so ago you saw a trailer for it where a strapping dude and a bear give each other "come hither" looks and seem to be about to do the deed. The short scene cuts to a squirrel in a tree holding a nut. Then he drops the nut. BTW that is not a euphemism. They don't show if the nut busts when it hits the ground. We never see the actual character to character contact, but when they cut away one is still a bear. I think. It's been a while since I saw that bit, because in the following months much more has come out about the game, and it sounds great. The use of current edition D&D mechanics, plus an old school turned base system. 

Anyway, there ya go. A D&D video game with sexual content. And what the hell, some of that has been part of my gaming experience, such as talked about in these more recent posts:

Post: Edit (blogger.com)

Post: Edit (blogger.com)

But outside the sexy stuff yeah, the game sounds good.  

I don't mind a little CGI boffing. And hell, the bear is a human druid, though not sure how much a diff it makes. If it looks like a bear, and smells like a bear, and drools like a bear it probably kisses and knocks boots like a bear. Those things will mess you up. Ever see Revenant? Or Grizzly Man?

I am guessing any dating and sexy time cut scenes will be a small percentage of that will probably be hours of long ass cinematics that are popular now. Its turn based, so a lot of that will need to be spaced out to build the story. 

I guess the real "bear in the room" though is the identity politics that seem to be heavy in the game. I mean, OK. My only gripe is that so many things have to "present day" us. It's like fantasy worlds or anything else needs to be a reflection of Los Angeles of San Francisco. Maybe it's just an aging straight white dude thing, but whatever happened to escapism? Creativity should be the main goal, but that has been toppled from the number one spot to inject present dayism. I mean, OK, fine. I still might play it (when it comes to XBOX). Because at least you have a choice as to how deep you want to indulge in the Alphabet Mafia stuff. It's not like Starfield, where you are forced to choose a pronoun in character creation. No choice in it. But it would not be a deal breaker for me. Though I think my next space game might be Outer Worlds, because so many people think its way better. 

Anyway, I do hope I get to play Baldurs Gate 3 eventually. I'm usually 3-5 years behind on my games (and more...I'm still playing GTA % here and there). And I look forward to the sexy time in it. With a humanoid. Probably. I can't predict how I'll feel in 3-5 years. 

Nintendo Switch and Breath of the Wild part 1

 

A portable console? I never really felt I needed one. My early progression was Nintendo consoles (I had one about when Super Mario 3 came out in the early 90's), to Genesis, to PlayStation, to PlayStation 2, and on to being an XBOX guy with the 360 and now to the latest XBOX. . 

In recent years when away from home I was happy to play Poker on my iPhone or iPad when the moments were free. For about 10 years I have loved to play Governor of Poker, a great app. I started with 2, and they are on GOP 3 the last few years. In 2 you just played the computer AI, but 3 introduced playing with people from around the world. It actually seems to encourage trash talking and flirting. Fun for quick 10-minute breaks. 

And hell, I don't find the time to play on my consoles as much as I would like. It was the rare game that had me playing more than a couple hours a week. But there were great loves that had me going 6 hours a week or more. Final Fantasy 7. The Resident Evil games. Fallout 3. 

But in recent times I have been watching a lot of G4 and IGN and other video game related channels, content on Pluto TV streaming. Most of the programs are years old (besides G4 which is on a relaunch year, and just laid off most of their office and on camera people, including the odious FROSK), but I still like to watch. Nobody talks much about the Nintendo Switch lately, but it did come out half a decade ago. But the content on some of these channels is years old. And this year I have seen a lot of talk about Switch, albeit, again, from a few years ago. And some of these older bits included one of my current favorites, Scott the Woz. 

Scott does pretty funny little video game review and history skits, and I became a fan right away. And Every year since the Switch came out, he does a segment on it based on its existence up to that time. And this went a long way to perk my interest enough to nab my own Switch. 

So then came the long road the last several months of getting one. Yeah, I hemmed and hawed with myself. I'm not broke or anything, but with a couple games and a couple years of Best Buy Geek Squad replacement was well or 400 bucks. But I worked hard, at a hospital, during the height of the pandemic when most of my county sat home on their asses collecting fat Biden bonus Unemployment checks, and felt I needed to start rewarding myself.

Regular versions were around. But I wanted the OLED, which has a bigger screen and couple other nice upgrades. Better speakers and such. But the OLED had to be ordered. It is a popular version, there was a shortage due to pandemic demand and chip shortages (thanks again, Sleepy Joe!), and this was something I needed to impulse buy. I'm not going to wait a week and a half. 

This went on forever. But then it got a little better. Just a three- or four-day delay. I can have it by the weekend? Fuck yeah! I hit "buy." 

I was excited when it showed up. I wish I had done an unboxing video or something. But you can still watch one. 

Yeah, easy as pie. In less than a half hour I had a couple games downloaded. One was a scroller I had admired from afar for a couple years. It was Cuphead, a run and shoot side scroller that featured characters straight out of nightmarish old 1930's toons. It was originally a little indy game but got popular fast and you can find it in places like the XBOX game pass. And of course, in the Switch shop.

I got Cuphead to have a basic little game that does not need a big screen TV to enjoy (although it looks awesome on my 60 inch). This is what I would most likely play on a park bench or hotel room. But my epic game to enjoy at home would be the game most people buy the Switch to play. Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild. Because I have a lot to say about this open world solo game, I'm going to do a part 2 about that in particular. But just a few words about the fun of the Switch console itself.

Less than half the size of my iPad, it seems weird to think of it as a console. But that is what it is. Unlike your iPhone or iPad, it is designed purely for gaming. And it seems a powerful little thing. 

The Switch surely gets the name for all the switching up you can do. First and foremost, the big feature is the portability of play, so out in the field you will play with the "joy Con" controller bits attached. 

When you slide the joy Cons in, you get a satisfying electronic "snap" sound. 

And when you want to play on the telly, you stick your console into the docking station where the HDMI cable goes to the TV. 

The dullest color pics I could find

When docked you stick your little joy Cons into the "grip, and viola you have a little controller. You can actually do this when not linked to the TV. The Switch unit has a kickstand so you can set it on a table.  The joy Con grip combo is fairly sturdy and does the job well, although if you desire the usual controller size that you are used to on other consoles you can actually get a variety of separate controllers. 

I may just get a basic controller if for no reason other than I play 90% of the time on my TV so far. I have travelled very little with it. I have used the console on its own usually kicking back on a Sunday to play Cuphead, a game that works well for a small screen. The joy Cons themselves have no battery, but the last a few hours when charged, and when attached to the console they are always charging. The Switch unit itself seems to hold a very good charge. 

Breath of the Wild? Well, it's a big, beautiful world in there. And such works best on a big screen. But I've had some moments with it off the big screen. You can get hundreds of games for Switch, but Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild is the big monkey in the room when it comes to this console. And I'll talk about my experience with it next post. 

Cheers. 

Wii owners, help a bro out

For the most part, I have always gotten video game systems years after they come out. When folks where digging on their Playstation around the year 2000, I was still plugging away with Sonic on my Genesis. When games were jamming on their Playstation 2’s, I was still going strong on my Playstaton 1.

For the most part it has nothing to do with cost (at least for the systems, I would never buy a new game at full price. As if.), it was that I didn’t spend as many hours on a game as lots of other people would. Unless I was burning my way through the better part of a twelve pack of Bass Ale, an hour or so would do it for me on any given night. Plus I liked to get games used, because I’ve got Scottish blood filling my veins and will rarely pay new retail price for anything but socks, underwear, and liquor. And when I like that game, I’ll play it a couple of times, unless that game is of the likes of Final Fantasy 7 that you can easily put 80 hours into and has no replay value.

Right now I think I am ready for XBOX 360 or PS 3. My mouth has been watering for around two years to play games like Bioshock, Dead Rising, and Fallout. Damn, these games all have sequels out already. Well, last year at the office Xmas party I was lucky enough to win the best raffle prize – the Nintendo Wii (a two year streak – I won a high end DVD player the year before. Maybe I’ll win a car at next weeks party). Although weaker in ability than 360 and PS3, it was at least a newer system. Alas, after putting maybe an hour into tennis and boxing with the game it came with, it has now spent around 11 months in its box in the closet next to the set of Spanish bagpipes that I paid 500 bucks for but never play (fucking toy).

For one thing, I have games I am still enjoying on my Original XBOX and PS2. I’m on my third run through on Knights of the Old Republic (I got inspired by my upcoming KOTOR RPG I’m going to do for the group to have one more run through), am still trying to get the motivation up to finish the very difficult Call of Cthulhu: Dark Corners of the Earth, and once a week or so regular group player Terry comes by for a couple of hours to play Baldur’s Gate: Dark Alliance 2 that I happen to have for the XBOX. But before this year is up I’ll be done (or fed up) with these, and will want to maybe give that Wii a shot before trading up to the 360.

So, maybe you can help me. I’m fairly unfamiliar with the Wii. I know it is mostly a kiddie/family system, and is famous for that Wii Fit stuff (c’mon, I get a better work out washing my Jeep). But what else is there I might have fun with? I know of Mario Galaxy from others who have the system, but I’d like something with a little more realistic and/or serious action for a grown up. I also know that Dead Rising was ported over to this, but I heard that it has features of the original that are missing (important ones, like the ability to jump over fences). So what would I like?

Here’s an idea of the things I like to give you an idea: I like mellow jazz, long walks on the beach, holding hands, fluffy kittens, and sipping tea while curling up in front of the fire with a good book. OK, I don’t really like any of those things. But heres some of my favorite games from older systems to give you and idea of what appeals to me (whether it be RPG, action game, or shooter).

Super Mario Bros. 1&3: what’s not to love? Mindless but challenging gameplay.

Final Fantasy 7: Taught me to love again. And also to have patience. I put 80 hours into it.

Resident Evil: Played all the regular ones in the series on Playstation, and then Res Evil 4, the best, on PS2. I played it through 3 or 4 times. Outstanding gameplay and story. Terry has this on the Wii, but I don’t need to play it on another system. I’m done.

Silent Hill: all the thrills and great gameplay of Resident Evil, with more creepy scares. Especially liked the first in the series, and The Room.

Castlevania: loved ‘em on the Genesis, and adored Symphony of the Night on PS1.

Fear Effect: 1&2, great action gameplay similar to Res Evil, but with interesting story, characters, and lesbo love.

Tenchu Steath Assasins: My one and only Ninja game. Played it a half dozen times through.

Dune 2000/Sim City 2000: yeah, I can dig a certain amount of Micromanagement. Makes me feel like a god, I tells ya! I especially loved the cinematic live scenes in Dune 2000, as well as the movie soundtrack used in it. Shamelessly used money cheats though.

Diablo: Oh yeah, fun fun fun top down gameplay. How could anybody who grew up on D&D not like it?

Champions of Norrath/Baldurs Gate: Dark Alliance: both with that winning Diablo style top down gameplay. Terry fell in love with CoN, and because of that I have a girl coming over a few times a month who I am not banging. Thanks a lot, CoN/BGDA.

Halo 2: Oh man, I can still pop it in for huge fun. One of the only shooters I ever got into. Great story and solid Sci Fi concepts.

So, anything you can recommend for Wii? Or should I just try to get 60 bucks or so for it on Ebay, and put that towards a nice used 360?