Sirens: Battle of the Bards (the rise and fall?)

 

A few days after the whole elf ear cosplayer Satine Phoenix and gym freak Jamison Stone (together maybe call them "Satine Flexnix?") thing blew up, my fascination slowly wanes. After watching a couple hours of this Foster guy's (a dude who did an after show for Critical Role or something) stream where he interview the people who paid Satine and Stone something like 20 grand to hype their cyber security company at Pax I was a little bit spent. But it was kind of gripping. This guy and gal staked heir future with the company they pitched this idea too, and ended up having to play personal assistant to the two knuckleheads. Carrying extra bags with their shit, fetching coffee..

 ...being lectured on professionalism, and even being criticized for their body types and relationships, all the while Satine and Stone did everything to further their bank accounts and fame while ignoring what they were getting paid for. A lot of it on camera. Big pimpin, yo..

There are a ton of other stories of course. All the unpaid or underpaid contractors who were stiffed and insulted. And I'm guessing there will indeed be more to come. I would not at all be surprised that sexual impropriety will come up at some point. 

Who could resist? But if you plan on
getting physical, I recommend bringing
 along some pain thinner. And don't tug 
on Stone's bicep strings. If they come off
his arms start to deflate. 

Satine, a former porn star, got her small pond fame started as part of the Zak Smith porney chick crew, doing the live play I Hit it with My Axe and other projects. When the Zak controversy hit, she turned her back on him about as fast as she threw her hubby Jamison Stone unto the train tracks. So a nice history of doing a Judas number on skeevy (IMO), abusive (allegedly) dudes she formerly defended the bad behavior of.

Back in her porn days she often was
 drowning in something other than D20's

Jamison Stone, well, I dunno his background. Rich family. Propensity to martial arts and cult memberships. How these two hooked up I have no info about. But there seemed to be some kind of road to a new cult going on:

Though its presumptuous to assume his 
modern Pharoah look points to cult leader

So yeah, its likely a lot more will come. I'm guessing there will be more throwing under the bus by Satine of her weirdo hubby. And maybe he will have some accusations of his own. 

But during this little lull in the pain and shame, I've been checking out their latest project. 

This Kickstarter reached like 300,000. There were tiers of upwards of 3 grand, where stretch goals included things like going to Colorado to play D&D at their house for 6 hours. When the time is up I kind of imagine a trap door opening under your chair and you shooting down into a tube system that pops you up at the local airport.  You can get your character fleshed out with artwork, and a short adventure about them. Gee, that sounds like its worth 3 grand. 

But all kidding aside, outside of the overflashy art and Satine's heavily made-up mug being all over the stuff, the actual setting sounds interesting. If not a bit over the top. The setting focus' on the city of Sativa or some such, a magical tiered city chock full of colorful bards type. They came up with 20 new bard sub-classes, I guess so the entire setting doesn't reek of same-same. Though I'm not sure how far you can pull the taffy to get over 20 distinct bard varieties. This is what I am the most curious about. 

But a bard war (or whatever) sounds like an interesting concept. 

The setting itself seems kind of Sci Fi to me. The city would for sure not fit into my setting. 

And some imagery suggests a more modern setting, such as the one with a saxophone player. The listing of locations in the city includes "comedy clubs." Zuh?

Yeah, I...huh?

But OK, sure. Maybe high fantasy these days is all about the higher, less restrictive concepts. Fantasy world with a sax? What the hell. There are worse things going on in D&D games. 

If I was a player I would 
totally run Twinkle Riot. 

For this game you are probably going to have most of your players running bards. But can they be different enough to not seem odd? I guess they could. I once ran a 1st ed. thieves guild thing were besides a plain theif you could do a thief fighter, thief MU, thief cleric, or whatever, and it worked well. Those kinds of campaigns are common, so I guess this is maybe a modern extension of that. 

On top of it all, I guess you get a god like character based off of flexi Jamison himself..

Yeah, nothing speaks to cult
leader aspirations here..

After seeing her make-up and rubber elf ear-free apology, despite what seems like some Amber Heard level acting, I feel bad for her. The tears weren't copious, but there was about a gallon of snot. With no tissues making an appearance. Just finger wiping. She should have at least removed the nose ring, but for all I know its keeping the plastic surgery together. But seriously, I can't help but feel bad. She was living high on the hog in the small gaming space. She may have been bound for bigger things. But in this day and age of social media, its just best to come off as a great person. To treat people as well as you can. Overwhelm them with kindness. That seemed to be the surface, but so much is coming out it just seems she was a a huge ego that kept growing bigger. Losing wisdom with age instead of gaining it. It really is in the end a tragic tale. 

Anyway as for Battle of the Bards, I'm honestly thinking of yoinking some of these concepts, on a smaller scale less filled with hubris. I've long wanted to do a thieves guild thing again, but a bards guild campaign might be a fun twist.

You gotta wonder what will happen with this project. Just like Zak Smith's 4 year late Demon City Kickstarter, the comments pages are full to the brim with negative comments and refund requests, though I'm sure there is plenty of Simp support in there. I didn't read very far. 

But as for Satine and Jamison Stone, I sort of hope the whole peacock cosplay D&D player thing is close to an end. I'm not a fuddy old neckbeard, but I kind of prefer the more down to earth classic players of old. YMMV.

This was a D&D stud when I was a kid.

D&D and the Rise (and fall?) of the Beautiful People

OK, it may be more truthful to call them "Peacocks." 

But whatever it is, behind my back, a bunch of D&D players have become D&D celebrities. High profile, entourage-towing, "hey look at me" types. Back in my early gaming life the most beautiful D&D player I knew was my high school sweetheart. Me and my friends were lucky enough that our gals were into pop culture things, and D&D was not off the table. All the other groups we knew in those days were sausage fests. Tables full of long hairs in heavy metal band T shirt bands, or young George Costanza's. That's not to say we had it better than anybody else (or maybe we did). But it's always nice to have fun in a mixed group. You know, like a beer commercial. And whether I had a GF involved or not, into the 2000's I was always able to get a decently mixed gender gaming group. 

I guess it was D&D with Porn Stars where a bunch of women gaming came to the fore. Not that I was aware of everything going on in the OSR. I read a few blogs, did my own little blog, made some friends, got in some beefs, then got into other things. When it came to D&D I decided to just focus on running. I've been mostly out of the loop for years now. But I decided to write a little bit in current times when somebody told me a blog is a great place to write for yourself. And that is what I am doing. But my gaming life has gone through changes, and I feel like there are some personal tales to tell. And let's face it, pop culture nerds like to talk pop culture. Even if hardly anybody is listening. But jeez, looking deeper into the game culture scene makes me wish I hadn't sometimes. But trainwrecks are hard to look away from. 

That wasn't so for Zak Smith and his blog some years ago. It was gaming with a whiff of dirty sex; porn girls playing D&D How was that NOT a win? It was popular as hell. Maybe in part from Zaks writing, maybe in part from the presence of the gals. 

Zak and company during much, much, much,
much, much, much more happier times.

 I can't speak on the talent of Smith. To me a lot of what the "edgelords" were doing did not seem much more clever than what those heavy metal dudes in high school were doing. Poop and cocks and unbeatable scenarios. But whatever. When I stopped blogging I paid little attention. When I turned my back on the whole OSR scene I guess the biggest controversy was James at Grognardia walking away from his "legendary dungeon" (that had only been invented a couple of years before) Kickstarter. And with nary a word. He did that going out for smokes and never coming back thing He did recently come back, but I could not say to what reception. He still has (reduced) comments in his comment section, and seems to have been invited to a couple of podcasts (that I never heard of). But I've been out of the loop, and still am. 

Though the Zak Smith/Mandy Morbid controversy was a hell of a thing that happened. A broken relationship and some serious allegations, followed by a big time cancellation of the dude. I never knew how popular the guy had been in the gaming scene, although I can say with a fact that anybody I met and gamed with in the last three years in my new town had ever heard of Zak, and most not of the OSR There is money to be made there, but its still a small pond. And most Kickstarters in the scene seem to go to hell. 

But Satine Phoenix? Some knew about her, mostly I guess from the recent rise in streaming popularity. And spending hours watching that shit. Watching other people have fun. 

I knew of her mostly because she was a major personality at a famous comic book shop in my home town. There was a Meetup. For 10 bucks you could come play D&D with a porn "star" and have pancakes. Well, they did not lean into the porn thing, but Satine was also one of Zak Smith's players, and a part of his video projects (not porn, but D&D with porn stars. And oh, I guess there was some porn too). 

More recently Satine is parted from Zak. Right after the allegations she spoke up in support of his accuser, and went on to her own things. She started living a life in rubber elf ears. Going to conventions and trying to gain a high profile. She was a D&D community leader (that seems to give more bragging rights than anything else). She appeared in a Rick and Morty comic. She clearly was on a path of more fame in the usual small pond of D&D. Special guest stuff. 

But that pond got bigger once 5th edition settled in and got more popular, and started skewing younger. And this was the age of streaming. And even I became a fan of some streamers. Such as the Vtube Egirls using motion capture tech to appear as living anime girls on Twitch and Youtube. 

That's what I'm talkin' bout..

Not so much tabletop. Watching others play D&D is about as much fun for me as watching two flies fucking. No matter how much they dress it up. Not the community theater of Critical Role. None of it.

I like watching streamers play video games...especially when they look like this...

Valkyrae. I have fun watching her have fun.

Pokimane. She's from Monaco! Also appeared 
briefly in the movie Free Guy.

 I think I did watch a lot of Foreververse when I moved into my new town and didn't have a full TV channel lineup for a few weeks. Jason Miller and Amy Vorpahl were on that. 

Who are they? I dunno. Outside of that show I didn't know where they were from or what they did. Though in the pic Jason is wearing a shirt from a famous music store in my home town. But they did seem like very cool and casual people on that show. I sort of liked it for that. Everybody seemed like regular folk. Zero vamping. And Jason ran some Basic D&D with In Search of The Unknown and his style was very endearing.  Miller and Vorpahl seemed to have become part of the Satine entourage lately, minor gaming celebs making up a wall of protection around Satine and her colorful husband, Stone Jamison. Maybe they weren't so nice when with these "beautiful people?"

C'mon, he looks like a nice guy. Who would totally
not tell you to get a haircut and lose some weight..

This guy is somebody I only learned about in regard to the Satine controversy. Yep, of course. Another big controversy in a small pond. I guess Satine hooked up with this guy, a tattooed gym rat with heavily gelled rainbow brite hair who seemed to be making a bicep muscle pose in every other photo I see. I mean, I go to the gym and have decent guns, but I'm not always posing them. Or even wearing short sleeve shirts. 

Oh yeah, there's the flex

And apparently every character is..him. Not too douchy a move.

Satine tends to be rendered in lots of art, and she is featured on the Kickstarted art...big time..

So I don't know about their businesses. I was aware of Satine's Destination Fantastique kickstarter that seemed to be a money making dodge as best I can tell. Hey, when you are getting popular you need to milk your simps, right? But was that a sign of less than genuine intent for Satine? Because just in my reading the last couple days, she appears as a person, when the cameras are off, puts a lot of effort into seeming nice and gaining a following to monetize. Her and the Light Brite hubby running D&D in castles and on cruise ships. Nothing wrong with that. But the main point seems to be they were not really nice people, especially if they owed you money. Becoming hostile and belittling when asked for updates on pay, and a shit ton of gaslighting.  In the latest updates Satine seems to be making a play at throwing the husband under the bus to save that brand. She talks of supporting his abusive behavior, though apparently she was not as nice as her smiles or rubber ears would lead you to think. He can go sulk in the bondage room while Satine goes on to the conventions in the ears and tries to get some good will back. And she does have those industry friends. Who will go and who will stay? Jason Miller and Amy Vorpahl were guests at the velvet rope wedding they had a Gencon (though sources say they had already gotten married...but you need that attention, right? Repeat it at a con where you are already treated as a star). 

I dunno. For me it's much ado about nothing. For my life I mean. Its an interesting story, sure. Its why I'm talking about it. Like any of the controversies. But it is a tale about lives being destroyed, for better or worse. I can't say if Zak Smith got what was coming to him. There seems to be a case of an embittered ex. But I don't know these people. Satine and company as well, but multiple complaints seem to be adding up. And this is just a few days old. There is likely to be more to come. I smell cancellations, but maybe Satine and her ears can at least get her out of it. 

(I want to add that Battle of the Bards, though kind of overly flashy, seems kind of cool to me).

I'll just be gaming. Tonight is game night! I don't know how beautiful my players are. I don't use video on Roll20. Well, "T" is a former actress. I know what she looks like. But the others are fairly young. And that skews much better for me than when I did 1st ed in later years.

YMMV. Cheers.